so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
