did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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