he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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