when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
