somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
