so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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