yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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