Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
