My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
