I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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