Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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