I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
