yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
