so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
