do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fuck appropriateness.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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