Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Let's paint friendship bongs
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
