I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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