just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
