Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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