I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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