the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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