Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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