It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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