She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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