He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
