so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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