This is not my ceiling
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
