you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize