3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
