we're blogging at a bar
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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