Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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