I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But I just had this pork pt. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
