Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize