I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
