Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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