I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
