He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
