Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
