Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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