I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
