I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
