Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So vagazzling was a success
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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