Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
