She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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