I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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