OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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