Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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