Don't you send me to vm
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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