turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize