Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this boner is exhausting
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
