I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
