this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
