I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
