i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
