Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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