My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
