i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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