This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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