dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
