I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize