You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
