nut hugger
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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