I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
