dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
