My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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