no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
