dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
