I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
