if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
