i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
