i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
