If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
