Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
