Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
