i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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