just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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