Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
