he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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