i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize