What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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