When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
