I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Where is the hickey?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
