im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how does that bad decision feel?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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