just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
