Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
