Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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