Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
