I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
