Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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