It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
