So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
