im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
