I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
