Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
