I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
