My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
