I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
