I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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