is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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