he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
