This dress was meant to end up on your floor
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
