I am puke
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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